


The Air I Breathe

by Tizian23



Category: Amy Winehouse - Fandom, Carl Barât - Fandom, Peter Doherty - Fandom, The Libertines
Genre: Band Fic, Boys In Love, Clubbing, Fashion & Couture, M/M, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23229733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tizian23/pseuds/Tizian23
Summary: Peter gets an invitation to a party.He is not well enough for parties so soon after the heartbreak, but he does it anyway.
Relationships: Carl Barat/Pete Doherty
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56
Collections: Peter and Carl fics to lift our spirits during self-isolation





	The Air I Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> This was a Fic meant to go with a picture. Unfortunately i don't know how to put it in here as well.  
> It was a picture of Carl and Amy Winehouse, who was a good friend of Peter and the whole band , looking relaxed and ridiculously gorgeous, obviously standing in a club or bar together.  
> I hope she's happy where she is now💔

As she calls me to ask me out for beer i don't really feel up for it.

Going outside, facing the world, dealing with people and worse those who are not normal people but paparazzi, having to look collected and not let the true depth of my feelings show and how much I hate it all. Some days I just don't feel able to manage it quite so easily. Being myself is too exhausting lately... After all I am still mourning... my love showed me the door .. and it doesn't matter that its long ago....I read its normal to be sad at least as long as you were with each other...Ta, that gives me another 5 years then.  
"But you can't become a total hermit, " she said - yup, I can- just me and my books, my journals and the pipe and the cat and music... yes and our music and my thoughts inevitably coming back round to how much more music would be there if we wouldn't have fucked it up so gloriously. So I drag myself out and take a shower, scrubbing off days of loneliness and lost thoughts, wash the smell of different kinds of smoke out of my hair... feels good actually to have a reason to do this and to look forward to. At least this gives me a possibility to show off the new clobber Hedi sent the other day. I am certainly skinny 'nuff to fit in them... Yes he was also always a fan of us. Liked us together as a band and as we were- The Two of Us. Fuck, he practically catered The Libertines funeral with this Vernissage of his... caging our microphone in a glass box.. it broke my heart you didn't even come to the opening...  
Anyway, my Lady Amy, wonderful guiding star of my darkest nights -she knows the places I am going to when I don't answer the phone for days. She didn't give up, called again and nagged and threatened to come by and camp out on my door step for a while' till I gave in. Her sweet talking got me in the end and to hear her happy made me feel a lot better too..I even had to genuinely smile.  
"Yay! Thank Fuck Pete, you need to take yourself out every now and then even if you don't feel like it... plus drinking alone at home makes you miserable and it's utterly Un-English."  
We both laugh and know she is right. So I throw myself into the pile of pretty boxes and velvet suit bags with embossed four letter words... not quite the ones I love most but a pretty decent substitute ... ripping through the silk paper and cutting off labels and tags I start feeling giddy to see Amy, my Star and be silly and sweet with her. She has this way to make everything look less dramatic and easy.. as if she switches the light in the room off and opens the blends to let the real sun in. I want to look good for her, because I know she will do the same for me, just to make me smile when she comes through the door knowing this pretty lady comes to see me. Leaving the house I feel a tad nervous abut more in a nice way... no one here to annoy me as far as I can see.  
Hehe, I even bored the paparazzi to pieces with my self imposed house detention. I am positively exited now...I never actually lost this feeling of butterflies when I go out with large preparation before. In the cab I catch myself bouncing in the back seat. The place is actually more some fancy night club/bar thing than just a pub... lights everywhere and pretty people. She tricked me into something a lot bigger thing than just a beer with a friend. I feel pleased with this, at least the effort to make myself presentable was worth it then. The thought of a hug and her smiles shine on me and a large quantity of drinkies makes me bounce already out of the cabby into the place, I don't even mind to be recognized now and smiled at and patted on the shoulder.... amazes me everytime again how many people tell me they are happy to see me. The hostess smiles and tells me twinkle eyed I am already expected...  
"Please go around the corner, the first booth on the left... Have fun! "  
As I walk towards the booth I see her wispy little silhouette standing in front of it, high heeled and in a wide skirt crowned by her trade mark beehive hair, back to me leaning on the shoulder of someone sitting next to her. She turns around, sees me, her pretty face lighting up even more, yells my name and runs to me, leaps into my open arms, as per usual in total contrast to her lady-like appearance. Lots of hair every where, I can smell her hairspray and her cigarettes, her light lemony-vanilla perfume, mixing together to just her essence in a nutshell as I carry her in my arms back to the booth and her friends in it.  
(Just like Carl i think, he also has this trade mark scent of his, that I 'd find in a room full of people, that didn't leave the sheets after he slept in them and that I cant get out of neither my head nor my dreams.)  
I put her carefully down and look at her some more; she radiates a happy, caring love towards me that makes me ridiculously happy to have listened to her and let her talk me into meeting up.  
" Ah Love, I am so happy you came. I wasn't sure but I hoped you 'd bring yourself to leave the house." she says and looks for a cigarette as I slip into the booth to sit opposite her, not having paid any attention to anyone aside of her on the table yet. I take out my lighter to light her fag for her as she leans on the boy sitting next to her.  
He looks up and my heart stops, the world comes to a hold, the lights go down, every sound dies, it's just him and me and the eternity.. he smiles at me in his little" I know! I am sorry for this silly act, but what can I do?"-way.  
My Carlos! Holy Fuck I forgot how breathtaking he is... time dulls the memory rather effectively I guess.  
She snickers and says" I couldn't stand two moping friends of mine... since its nothing a night of drinkies and loud music can' t actually change, eh? Will you kids give each other a hug now and forget about it for a night, yeah?"  
He slides over, a falling star taking a bow at my door step, wraps me in his beloved long lost scent as he hugs me so tightly I can't breathe anymore..but I don't need to.. never again. I ll just die in your arms tonight, stop the time here and never move on... and over his shoulder see my pretty Lady smile and wink at me.

**Author's Note:**

> very obviously P's last thought about dying in Carls arms is not mine but stolen from the Cutting Crew's song of the same name. The phrase is wonderful and I confess I love the song too...  
> yes I am soppy
> 
> The show was called As Tears Go By and was held 2006 in Paris...  
> The piece P talks about is this:
> 
> https://www.alminerech.com/exhibitions/2765-hedi-slimane
> 
> 'Tis called "Portrait Of A Dead Band" and there is the mic to be seen as well.  
> Hedi was in his Rock music phase back then-  
> May the Gods of Rocknroll bless his little fan girl soul.  
> 🖤


End file.
